Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
