Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
