the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
