Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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