This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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