I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
