I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
