I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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