i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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