I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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