My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
