my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
