I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
it glows. i had to have it.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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