I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
