I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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