I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I'm really busy with my period
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