I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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