Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
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Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
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Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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