You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
