So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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