he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
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Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
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He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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