i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
