Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
