Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
its not stalking. its research.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
