quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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