very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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