so explain again why im purple
no
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
