I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
