just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins