i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
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ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
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I won't apologize to a one balled man
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?