If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
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he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
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Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"