I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
do herpes really smell.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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