In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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