I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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