If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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