She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
