wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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