I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
