I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
