I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
