so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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