Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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