make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
