i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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