I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
