1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
