apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
And the cops told us we were all naked.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
