I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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