my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
