So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
