I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
