Reggie can tackle my bush.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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