i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
