this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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