If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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