i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He passed out mid-signature
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
