i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
