I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
