I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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