Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
