I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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