i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
