On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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